i just wanna be happier
Where is my angel
At the end of the day, casting its shadow
(Someone come and save me, please)
is only the sigh of the exhausting day
It seems like people are all happy
Can you look at me? Cause I am blue & grey
The meaning of my tears that are reflected on the mirror
is the color that is hidden under my smile, blue & grey
-----
I just wanna be happier
Please warm me who is cold
My hands that I reached out countless times
The echo that is colorless
Oh this ground feels so heavier
I am singing by myself
I just wanna be happier
Would this also be greed
---- Blue & Grey, translation source: doolsetbangtan
Complete Translation and Interpretation - By doolsetbangtan
the first time i heard this song was just a snippet of it, on one of the episodes of "In the Soop."
the scene was absolutely beautiful. Taehyung was in a canoe, surrounded by beautiful mountains all around, he looked so peaceful and bless him for wanting to share some of his comfort with us. we got a tiny piece of this song that day. this was the exact moment :)
the translations came in and soon, we got the entire song and i..you know sometimes there are moments that speak to you, you don't really realize it,but they just get you. when i listened to the entire song, something ..it did something to me. i couldn't point it out back then. i just assumed it was a result of the sole comfort given by someone who cares about me so much. i thought it is all the beautiful energy that came out from the song and the pain of knowing that he went through a time like that, happiness in realizing he is fine now, admiring him for how brave he is to write it down and recover from it and privileged to be someone he thinks he should share it with.
all these thoughts are still valid, but what i understand now, adding to them is, how i feel and to a little extent associate with the words as well. because sometimes, its not until certain instances happen, that you see yourself or the thoughts in your heart, in sometimes fluffy or thin dissipating clouds while sky gazing, or in the ant that tries to get past your still slipper from every direction it can, or sometimes, through words,that people write, from the bottom of their heart.....well Dumbledore sometimes did say stuff that made sense.like this,"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it." this. this makes so much sense.
isn't it so beautiful that people actually put their thoughts and feelings and emotions down, they pen it, write poems, make art, sculpt, sing, so many forms of expressions out in the world and what's even more beautiful is they share with others, in order to ease their own pain, sometimes help others overcome theirs. kopam, badha, happiness, everything and don't even get me started on art that is relatable. like the phrase" so relatable!" is so fucking raw and rare. imagine writing or making something that people really connect to. i mean, communication at it's peak,no? so cool man.
to think there were so many times i rolled my eyes at metaphors or excessive philosophy used in write ups(although sometimes people kinda do overdo it ani i feel but heyy, tis not about me. you do you) all the while it was my shallow,dumb self...just because i don't relate to something doesn't mean it is invalid. this i realized quite a while ago. and even at the time that i did judge people and stuff too soon, not saying it out loud doesn't make you a saint..like , having them baseless opinions in the first place wasn't really right....i mean we always judge right, that is something inevitable,but the ability to take time and think from another perspective, stop and try to understand...it's something we need to learn doing right..? at least i feel that way. i want to,no, need to get my point across and i require them to understand,,all of us do. but i also understand how it feels when they don't..like sometimes it makes you so mad and you feel dumb or you just snap, a whirlwind of tantrums and emotions happen or you just give up and stay silent. not really nice it is. not always do people overplay emotions and not always when people downplay does it mean they are fine. ykwim? anyways...just listen to people. it feels good to do it.
so i don't even know where all these words are coming from, i'd just sat down to write how Tae gives me so much comfort. honestly to be loved by them is so amazing and lucky...i didn't find them. they found me. i don't even think it's a coincidence anymore because every time, and i mean EVERYtime i feel out of it, he comes for me. all of them come. they never leave. always in my mind, my heart.(*cue magic shop) haha, a true best friend:)
emo, today , poddutnundi enno ayitunnayi,...and waking up to a snippet of a probable song from kth1 ahhhh.....honestly i teared up a bit.
to sum it up, Taehyung gave us another glimpse into one of his pieces, with such sweet words and lovely music,...he is such a romantic and this adds to the evidence stack that tae feels like home :)i'm just feeling this song so much todayyyy
now that i read this, i see i lost track, i don't remember what i was trying to say, i just put everything that came my mind down here..hope it makes sense.
but hey, i gave you a lovely song to listen to :) hope you find it comforting too
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