for now, i know

                                  

hi
I just wanted to let you know, I am fully aware of what this is,
you may call me delusional but I am anything but that.
for I clearly know what I feel isn't not right.

Don't worry, I am safe and sane, I have everything in foresight.
I can see the boat rock, the waves crash in, but I know better than to ever give in :)

 you once called me yours and I think i still am , but will I fully ever be ?
I think about feeling your touch on my arms, holding me steady, away from the riptides all around me,
We were at the edge of the cliff, and I was hanging on to you.

I feel you hold me tight, promise to make it right, but nevermind, i must be caught in a lie.
I fantasize it. I fancy it. but do you?
What would change if it happens for real?
the  irrational reality of a dream  is a feeling so fine I almost think it's true,

 and Now, that I finally see with my own eyes, feel with my own touch, know with my own heart,
I sometimes feel like I'm violating your territory,

 my apologies, I don't really know you.
The idea of you and You, are two very different things.
now I am hanging  on to the cliff, you aren’t there.
would things have gone differently if I had never thought about you?

your hands all over me, my heart yours too,
you ask of me to be my own knight but I'm only shining with you,  your presence  my only armor, your guiding voice my light.
I hear you whispering my name, I can feel your soft lips press into mine, I can feel the warmth from when I cuddled you to sleep last night,
The taste of maple syrup, the smell of your aftershave,
Your rings on the table stand , the white cotton shirt on the chair,
I swear I'm not messed in the head!

It's just a little love,  that I feel for you. I think.
But is it even true? Will I ever have you? Find someone like you?
Do I want to find out? They say wishful thinking can make things true, but that’s exactly it,

....i do not know if i really want it to.

I wonder if me idealizing you would ever bring me vain , but then again, if I don’t meet reality, there would be no pain. But for now and a now declared forever,

i still want you.

                                   

                                    지금은 알아

*attention to detail/ notes to self:
1.Violating your territory alludes, to the person thinking,  that  sometimes they might be invading the other person's personal space.

2. calling the person yours in an inclusive and friendly way, is very very  diff from being in love with them in real life.

3."we were at the edge of the cliff, and I was hanging on to you." and then later in the lines, "now I am hanging  on to the cliff, you aren’t there"  ,represents it,  being a cliff hanger, seeing how this will end.

4. if you remember in  Promise " I want you to be your knight .........",you'll understand what I am referring to.

5. Then the reference is to being so immersed that they visualize everything with the person they love or want to come to love in the future.

6. then, there is wordplay with idealize ;)

7. in the end, all  the person is saying is that , they know they're being delusional and it may not be healthy but they don't care as long as the truth won't hurt, and it won't because they're being  delusional.(but consciously)GET IT ??!?!?!?!